Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
> -Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
> - Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
> - Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
> - George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
> - Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
> - Mark Twain
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> - Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
> - Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
> - Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
> - Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
> - Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
> - Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
> - Joe Namath
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
> - Bob Hope
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
> - W. C. Fields
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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
> - Will Rogers
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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
> - Winston Churchill
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
> - Phyllis Diller
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
> - Billy Crystal
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Love is a Trivial Comedy made up of important Tragedies
HK Snob
If you marry a good wife, you would become a poet, if you marry a bad wife, you would become a Philosopher.
HK Snob
The Difference between a wife and a prostitute is that you pay monthly and per transaction,
You request to have a blow job would be a waste of time and a blow job is a standard for later.
A Misionary position for 7 years and 7 positions in one hour...Respectively...
What do you think!?
HK Snob
